On figuring it out

because this is life now

Now that we all realize that this virus isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, what are we going to do?

“Do you know that I’m predominantly left brained,” I say. My spouse Janyce is standing in the doorway to the bedroom in her workout clothes holding her coffee cup. It’s early Saturday morning, the sun lamp is on full blast in the bedroom, and the green canopy outside my window seems to be closing in on the house. Although if I look closely, I can make out a few small patches of weak sunlight peeking through the tightly entwined grapevine and maple leaves.

“Did you just take a Facebook test?” she says. “But, yeah I can see that.”

“Sandy used to tell me that,” I say. “She thought I was very analytical. But I always tend to see myself as more emotional and intuitive.”

“I can see that too, but not when it comes to decision making,” she says. “Like how you are with the whole pandemic. You have read everything from the very beginning, you always want to see the data,” she says.

“I dreamed about frogs last night. Hundreds of frogs filling up a rain pool in front of the house.” I say.

“I dreamed about two old bosses.” she says while exiting the room.

“What are you doing today?” I call out, while pulling up the dream dictionary on my computer screen and searching for the the words: frogs, pool, and rain.

I can hear her answer me, saying something about doing bills, and I picture her seated at her workstation at the dining table. This reminds me that I have to extend the length of the table and rearrange the furniture for the dinner tomorrow. After five months in the house, we’re finally busting my senior in-laws out of their isolation to have them over for their birthdays. They need the change in scenery. And we need to start resuming some normal activities now that this is our way of life for the foreseeable future.

Rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. To see a frog in your dream represents a potential for change or the unexpected. To see a pool of water in your dream indicates that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings.

“I heard on the radio last night that Massachusetts is restricting who can come into the state, requiring a 14-day quarantine, and people can report their neighbors if they are not following the guideline, something about a $500 fine,” I say to Janyce, while sitting down on the couch across from her with my laptop.

“I heard that too,” she says. “But I think Aidan is okay. He had a test and he’s been here awhile. Is that what you’re thinking? That someone on the Cape might see his Tennessee plates?”

I’m still reading the dream dictionary interpretations when I get an interruption from Instagram alerting me that several people I follow have made new updates on their Insta stories. I click it open to watch videos of my son on his bicycle gliding down the Cape Cod rail trail, then flip to an artist friend’s page and scroll through her brilliantly colorful LA landscape abstracts inspired from her recent summer trip, and I land on another friend’s story where she has reposted these words of advice:

“what’s dangerous about doom-scrolling is that repeated emphasis on the importance of staying informed can easily trick you into thinking that endlessly consuming bad news on autopilot is a progressive moral duty, when in actuality it’s the digital equivalent of emotional self-harm”

Now that we all realize that this virus isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, what are we going to do?

I’m impressed with everyone who is going for it and getting on with it, whatever it is—buying the property, booking the expensive vacation house, building the patio, writing and publishing the book. I know we need to remain vigilant, but we also have to continue to live, too.

“Oh look,” I say out loud to nobody. Janyce has gone downstairs for her workout, the dog has also left the room to resume his morning nap time in the kitchen on one of his beds.

I am watching the latest Instagram story from my late friend Sandy’s only child. It’s comforting to see his Instagram. I scroll through often, happy to know he’s got a steady girlfriend, and he’s living a full life, with travel and cats and a Brooklyn apartment. She would be so happy to know this. And today he’s posted a beautiful series of mountain ranges with the sun coming up on the horizon, somewhere beautiful in the world. Pandemic be damned.