On food and family

and here's to indulging in all the things

I know I have to make changes to fit my plans and nutrition is part of that. But does it really have to be so boring?

“Wow, look at the sky. It’s a raspberry sorbet pink,” I say to my spouse Janyce who is sitting in the garden, leaning back in an Adirondack chair. It’s Friday night at 6pm and we’ve just returned from walking in the woods with our dog. I set the yellow plate in my hand down on the tiny table in front of my chair.

“We need more wood on the fire and I made us a plate of snacks,” I say.

Janyce looks at me, her mouth in a line.

“So let me get this straight,” she says. “I have to feed the fire and also walk over to get my share of red peppers and pea pods. That’s how this is done, huh?”

“But I just sat down!” I say, dropping two of the olives on the plate into my martini glass.

We’re forgoing a real meal tonight in favor of one perfect gin martini, a plate of raw veggies, and later, a trio of spanakopita triangles hot from the oven.

I don’t feel like cooking and Janyce doesn’t feel like cooking, even though our entire week has been focused on talking about what we’re going to eat this week, what we need to buy at the grocery store, how much protein and fiber can we fit in every meal. I’m thinking about food mostly as fuel this week and how I want it to support me in my goals. But I’m also struggling with balancing everything else that it is in my life—celebration, happiness, ritual, memory, family.

Last weekend we transitioned from our Vermont vacation that included all the yumminess fit for family fun at a campground— flatbread pizza and dinner salads in the clubhouse, bagel and lox breakfast while we all gathered on the front steps of the cabin holding our mugs of coffee, chicken and veggie skewers on the grill on the deck overlooking the lake at sunset, bags of popcorn and marshmallows on sticks at the campfire, and not just one, but three sugary birthday cakes. We took a couple days break and then we were back at it. We gathered with another part of the family to celebrate my Aunt Ro’s exuberant life in a memorial weekend that included— you guessed it— all the foods. From the night at the New Bedford feast drinking Madeira wine and eating greasy, sugared Malasadas to an Italian dinner at a local restaurant with pasta and plates of bread and olive oil and finally, post memorial mass, all of us weeping and watching a long photo and music montage while eating spicy Portuguese Cacoila sandwiches and pastries galore.

A few nights ago, I carried a bowl of popcorn sprinkled with parmesan cheese into the living room after our second dog walk and sat close to Janyce on the couch.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I said. “I’m getting a little dizzy.”

“Tell me about it,” she said.

We were watching The Bear on Hulu. If I were to boil this short first season down to two words only, I’d say it’s a drama about grief and food. The show opens like the most frenetic music video you can imagine, but then it sucks you right in with great performances from a brilliant cast of characters. The edits are as fast as the knife chopping of the carrots and the onions, the kitchen is dirty (until it’s not), the main character’s hair is greasy, the city is gritty, and the grief feels palpable. But the writing is smart, and the food—the FOOD— is glistening with oils and spices and every other shot in the show is filled with one mouth-watering succulent food image after another. It’s really good. And I thought, “well, if I am not going to eat all the things like I did last week on my vacation, then at least I can watch it.” We binge-watched the entire series over a couple of nights.

Here’s the thing about all the wellness goals I’m planning in my life right now. I am fine with the exercise. I actually feel great after the gym. I’m happy to take my dog on three walks a day and hit my 15k steps easily. But if I’m honest though, I’m just not totally happy about the food. I know I have to make changes to fit my plans and nutrition is part of that. But does it really have to be so boring?

I texted one of my close women friends the other day with all my physical complaints and she responded with, “Please don’t name the body parts that hurt and don’t work because I’m right there with you. If I were a used car the mechanic might say, ‘just sell it for its parts.’” We laughed at that and I felt better after talking with her. And then I thought again about the series I just finished watching and how the best parts of it were the friends and family dinners that peppered the episodes. It reminded me of family dinners during our vacation week. Food is fuel and food is healing and food can be simple and uncomplicated and still delicious with a little planning. But food is also how I best connect with the people in my life and worth indulging in with “all the things” once in a while.