On marking the occasion
Eleven years today and vows to remember
Give me your lips for just a moment and my imagination will make that moment live. Give me what you alone can give, a kiss to build a dream on—Louis Armstrong
It’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting at the table drinking coffee and looking out the kitchen window. Our Kousa dogwood tree is just on the edge of bursting into a flame of orange and dried maple leaves in muted hues with curling edges carpet the lawn. This is my favorite season, maybe because it’s a short burst of brilliant color, or maybe because school is now in full first-semester swing and I have always loved school and books and writing above all else. Or maybe it’s because of fall weddings.
My spouse Janyce looks over the top of her computer at me as I pull the pieces of paper I have folded and tucked away in my memory box. I lugged the box from its shelf in the front room to the table moments ago and I am now rummaging through it. She knows I’m looking for the vows we wrote and spoke to each other this same day eleven years ago in the Boston Public Garden.
She gets up out of her chair to come over and give me a kiss.
“Happy Anniversary,” she says.
We have a couple more private anniversaries that we share with each other and make a big deal about—like the day we actually made it legal in Massachusetts. But today is the day on the calendar when we spoke vows publicly and then had a wonderful party. They are worth repeating and remembering again. Memories like these are worth savoring over and over.
Kris, while it’s impossible to know the exact moment that I fell in love with you, I remember every moment you’ve taken my breath away. But it’s mostly due to the moments in our everyday lives that I stand here today. Because it was during those times that I discovered for the first time in my life what it means to have an equal life partner. You’ve been by my side during some of the most difficult times in my life and you had faith in me even when I felt I might be losing faith in myself. And this is what made me realize that I wanted to stand here today in front of our friends and family and repeat what I told you several years ago in that field of wildflowers—that I want you by my side for the rest of my life.
You are so very precious to me. I promise to always see you for who you are—to comfort and listen to you when you need support— to show you how much I love and cherish you every day of my life.
From this day forward, this is my solemn vow.
Janyce, sometimes love takes you by surprise when you least expect it. I thought I was commuting to work on the train with my good friend—my friend with all the folksy sayings, who calls her colleagues at work “gals and fellas” and says things like “believe you me” and “easy now.” I love how you reach under the table, put your hand on my knee and say “easy now” when I am getting excited and raising my voice or if I’m driving and telling a story and the gas pedal is getting pressed just a little too hard, you will reach over from the passenger side and say, “easy now.” I used to think that a good relationship meant that you had to work hard it. But I don’t believe that anymore. Now I know that when you are lucky enough to find the person who compliments you and makes you feel loved and accepted, all you really need to do is pay attention, and be grateful. You’ve shown me how love can be so easy now.
I promise to always see you for who you are—to comfort and listen to you when you need support— to show you how much I love and cherish you every day of my life.
From this day forward, this is my solemn vow.
