On the cruelest month, Mr. Eliot
Remembering a treasured friend
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Roger told me recently, in one of our last emails, that March was the cruelest month. It certainly felt like it, cold and gray, and all of us in the house due to yet another variant of the coronavirus. But nothing has been more cruel than April—this April— so true to the first line of the famous poem by T.S. Eliot.
Sometimes the closest friends are the ones you have for a short time. I met Roger on an airplane in December of 2019 when we were flying to Florida to board separate cruise ships. I let my spouse Janyce sit with her sister and father and I sat across the aisle, next to this older gentleman with a New Yorker magazine open on his tray table, who had a bright smile and a little gleam in his eye. I asked him all those nosy, impolite questions you are not supposed to ask someone you barely know, like “what was your biggest regret in life?” and “tell me about your partner who died?” But Roger liked them. We talked the entire way and we’ve written “old-school letter” type emails to each other ever since. We met in person again a few times during the pandemic. We saw an art exhibit, we walked through the common, we ate Vietnamese sandwiches in Chinatown. Roger was mentioned in my blog many times. If I wasn’t writing about him, I was using material he sent to me. All these weird little gems from the Internet that made me laugh out loud. He was my best critic and a true mentor. I miss him so much right now. I can’t even imagine writing a blog this morning because Roger won’t be reading it. Instead, I have spent the morning rereading our emails. Here are a few things I pulled from those that make me smile:
“What is the difference between lunch and luncheon? If a woman wore a hat? So good to see you in the real world.”
“The Saturday morning blog is like an old friend's visit. Loved the dinner word game. Invent a new one.”
“Enjoyed every tacky, over the top, fascist minute of the super bowl and predicted the exact score but 1 point. I coulda been rich.”
“‘I have lots of visual pictures that I hold in my mind' Good! That is a skill. Every one had it once when we read stories or LISTENED to the radio and had to imagine the visuals.”
“We love your writing because you share the painfully honest, intimate and the real. We have felt your discomforts and joys.”
“I wake up every morning now and fantasize the world is back to normal. I just lift the shade and my life has returned. I will meet you at Charles St. and we can wander the secret areas of Beacon Hill…”
“It was a relief to know someone is older than I am?! It sometimes feels like I am the oldest one. Especially in young Boston. The changes we both have seen…”
“I was so happy reading your blog and knowing you enjoyed the crazy zany things I sent. So nice to know they get opened and even written about. Some things just amaze me that talented people do. Loved your interpretation.”
“Thinking of you and the freedom we had.”
IN MEMORY OF ROGER MONTGOMERY MULFORD
I’m sorry you lost your friend 💔